I started with 3 cause that’s as far as i can go and remember anything.

Let’s beggin with my parents, actually just one can be called a parent, my mom. The man who is called my dad, let’s call him the sperm donnor. Sounds better!

Their love story started with a death. Yeap, that’s right. My mom’s mother died when she was 8 years old. Fucking cancer. Beeing a family of 6 kids my mom included, my granpa’ decide after a couple of years to get a new wife, a cunt who turned out to be some kind of aunt to the sperm donnor, the so called dad. The cunt need an introduction . She was married too, her husband died under misterious causes, ended up in front of a train somehow. After years my mom found out that “the cunt” actually added some rat poison into the man drink and that was the cause why he ended on the train tracks.

Anyway, when my mom turned 17, the cunt decided to introduce the sperm donnor to my mom. He was pretty handsome, not that dumb, and my mom fell in love, fucked, got married, got pregnant, moved togheter. Everything was at it was suppose to be. Happiness all around. Until my bro was born and they moved to the sperm donnor parents. Nope, they didn’t earn the title granparents.

From there all the “fun” begins. She got pregnant with the lost boy, that’s me indeed, and everything turned into a nightmare for my mom. After 1 year of living in a non-stop stress and fighting with her parents-in-law, they decided to get a flat. And they did. It was easy back then, the country was under a communist leadership.

There was me, seeing the light for the first time on 17 January 1996. I was so ugly that my mom actually refused to breastfeed me. WHAT THE FUCK?? I forgive you mom, no worries. I got better along the years. Trust me.

My first memory was acually next to a fireplace, no no it wasn’t a fancy one, naked and someone taking a picture of me.

The “fun” actually started when i was around 3. I rember them having a fight over nothing and the sperm donnor slapped my mom. Me and my bro started crying and we got some “attention” too. That’s when my mom grab me and my brother and went in the street to get away. She was waving at cars to stop and take us in the city where there was an aunt who could take us in.

Of course, no car was stopping. And there he comes again. I still have the very clear and vivid image of him coming to us running and cursing and he slaps my mom so hard she fell into a ditch on the side of the road.

That moment changed me. Moved something inside me. I never loved that man. Never had any feeling for him. We all got back inside and from there is blank.

I know, there are many people with sad stories, but i just wanna share mine.

The childhood itself was happy i guess. Putting all the drama from home aside, i have crazy, happy memories. But we will get more into it in the next part.

Coming soon…

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

Oh man…shit’s about to get real. Oookay, let’s go! I’m not gonna be a perfect blogger, no one is. English is not my first language so if you come across misspell words, forgive me!

Who are we? That’s the question me and probably most of you ask yourself. What’s my goal? Who i will become? What dreams i have? What’s driving me ? What what…lots of questions, always a fucking struggle…

Oh yeah, i will not be the most mannered or polite with my words. Hell, i will be as i am everyday. I will talk as i always do. I will be me.

I always come across posts, youtube videos with people talking about how easy is to find succes, to find happiness. Well for me and some of you it’s a damn pain. We are lost. I have no hobby, no passion, no goal…

Maybe putting my thoughts on a “paper” will help me and maybe and hopefully help others.

Do you know the famous question when you are just a kid: “What will you become when you grow up?”. Yeap, i had no clue back then neighter. Maybe it was the environment i grew up in. An alcoholic dad but a fucking awesome mom! She tried to fill in the gap of having nothing with love. I will start with the beginning of my life.

Who am i? I’m a 23 years old kid/man. Borned and raised in a small villege somewhere in Eastern Europe. Yes, a post-comunist country, lucky me!

Why starting a blog? All the mixed thoughts, all the unspeaked words, all the feelings that are crawling and scratching my brain, my heart. I got to let them out. And that’s why a blog.

What am i gonna talk about? It will be a story of my life, a journey in finding myself or finding others.